D4 - Happy Birthday

(Editor's Note: Doug's birthday and my wedding anniversary (35th!) are on the same day. So we sort of have a race each year to be the first to acknowledge the special day with an email or a call. This blog in no way changes the yearly challenge to be first, although I must admit that by blogging, I am clearly in the lead!)
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This has been a fun adventure honoring each of my sibling's birthdays this past year. It felt good to focus in on each one and try to sketch an honest and heartfelt word picture. The final installment is Doug, final only because of where time-wise I started the blogs. I must start right off by saying that what characterises Doug so very much to me is his purposeful and self-sacrificing devotion to his wife and to his family. This may sound trite and often repeated, but let me "splain and I'll use small words." (Hah!)
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It has always been a pet peeve of mine to hear people publicly or privately criticize or make fun of their spouse or try to land a joke at their expense. You don't have to be around Doug very long to hear him speak of his sincere admiration for Loie and how thankful he is to have her in his life. I have never heard him say or write anything but praise for his God given help-meet.
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If that is not enough devotion, then who will ever forget his on-going adoration for Caleb. Not many people change a part of their name unless something or someone has had a life altering impact upon them internally that they just can't help but express it some way externally. The impact that Caleb has on Doug is truly profound and he is purely devoted to him.
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The easy part to digest is his sacrifice and devotion to all his daughters, and three daughters is just about right! Life has made sustaining relationships with them very arduous at times but humbling as well. Yet Doug always preservers and makes them feel accepted and loved no matter what. I have personally watched when Doug has, more than once, been given God-breathed wisdom for them in a gentle and palatable way. I think they see his sincerity and it enables them to better embrace his suggestions (well, not always).
Doug is also very devoted to Mom. Thanks to his iron-enriched memory for details, he is keeping her legacy very much alive. I know he misses her more than words can tell, but he doesn't hesitate to put it in words with child-like fondness and real devotion. I have told Doug many times that I think he writes very well and have encouraged him to journal or blog if time ever permitted. We could all benefit from his perspective on many things and his recollections on life with Mom.
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To continue with his devotions, Doug has, from a very young age, been devoted to ministry. Even though organized religions have provided some pretty good knocks up-side his head, he remains sincere and consistent in his relationship with Christ. Doug is what I call a "Marketplace Evangelist", meaning that you don't have to have a robe or a title to minister to people's needs or to speak of becoming a Christian or to committing to discipleship. He does this wherever he is, thus the term "marketplace". He may have a vocation, but it is secondary to his calling to minister where ever he is. For this Doug brings a moral compass along with him that has helped his extended family many times.
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As a result of his sacrifices and willingness to help others, Doug has an enviably large circle of friends that he is continually devoted to and they continue to bless his life as well. I am glad that he is not only my brother, but my friend as well.
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Happy Birthday Doug (the "D" stands for Devoted).
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Love,
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D1

Pain and Suffering and Faith in God

When it comes down to an enduring, life long belief system, there is only one question of faith that really matters. That is, if there is a loving God, then why does He cause or allow serious pain (P) and suffering (S) given that He is the creator of all? To come up with an individual answer or come to a place when you no longer need to ask the question is when you can finally be at peace with your faith for the rest of your life.
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I have read a number of books on God's purposes in P & S and all fall flat in addressing how serious this question is for the professing Christian. We are told that there is so much suffering because of man sinning, with suffering a causal result. But that is too vague and general for me. We learn that P & S can be a test of faith. If so, I think it would be limited in scope and time, when many suffer all life long.

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Another argument suggests that if God intervenes on one persons behalf but not on others, even if they are a Christian, would suggest that He is a respecter of persons, in contradiction to His Word. But the opposite is that He never intervenes. This would negate all those marvelous testimonies of miraculous healing, etc. We recoil at these notions at times by asking "why me" or "why not me?" All I can conclude from experience is that when things are going well, it's not necessarily an indication of God's pleasure. And, when things are not going well, it is not necessarily an indication of God's dis-favor.

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I argue that if there were no pain and suffering in the world then there would either be many more Christians because this group can't reconcile P & S with the existence of a loving God, and now that obstacle has been removed. Or there would be even fewer Christians because many would no longer have need of Him to endure. However, most likely, there would be about the same number of Christians because of the remaining need for confession, repentance and discipleship with or without P & S, "narrow is the way leading to life and few there be that find it."

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In Scripture we are given many lasting examples of unmerited suffering such as Jesus, Job and the persecution of the early church. Imagine, God did not forbid His only Son to suffer in Jesus' case. Job was the most faithful person living at the time and his suffering was indescribable. And the disciples had a profound mission of spreading the Gospel and making disciples, so they needed a long life and good health. But all suffered greatly and many died terribly painful deaths.

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The answer is that there is no answer, just shallow attempts at human reasoning. In this case, the wisdom of man is foolishness to God. The only relief from the doubt this question raises, is to stop seeking a neat and tidy answer. All we can conclude is what Job concluded, "Though He slay me, yet shall I trust Him!" This is hard and heavy. We have to consider that most religions ask, at some point, total abdication, and blindly adhering to some tenet. The difference in Christianity is that we are not blinded but illuminated by a personal experience so strong that it eliminates the need to even ask some questions. Severe pain & suffering are too tough a road to also have to be tormented by an unanswerable question. Any empty answer just deepens the wounds of the experience.

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What makes the suffering experience worse is that, from a quick reading, the Bible is full of promises and blessings to those who obey. And we often ignore that the Bible also promises that we will suffer. But the underlying truth is that Christianity is not a bag of ever increasing pleasantries. Christianity is about a person. If I have a real friend, I don't need to ask him if he is really my friend. I just know it. If I have known love such as of a spouse, I don't need to repeatably ask the question just to be sure. I know it by how the relationship plays out over a lifetime. But when you're suffering, it serves as little consolation that this life is really so short by comparison to eternity. It is only consoling if we really believe that our eternity is not in doubt.

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In closing, If you have been struggling with a question of faith, go back to where your faith started and revitalize your personal relationship with Christ. If you are in pain, then rest assured that He will never leave you or forsake you in the depths of your experience or diminish your struggle by a trite response. He will be there to the "better" end.

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P.s if reading this blog was painful, then you might be on the right track.

It's a Girl! - Happy Birthday Donna

Now what do we do? After five boys came along, Mom finally got a girl! Happy Birthday Donna and many more to come (she rightly escaped the customary birthday humiliating swats that can't be tolerated - only patiently endured).

Donna grew up a happy, playful child that loved to explore new things and revisit old favorites as well. Most are aware of the often told stories of her frequent trips to cold fireplaces to sample from the many rare earth elements to be enjoyed. Little did we know that she was ahead of her time. Now, health food stores bottle the stuff and sell it for $79.98 a pop!

She loved to travel as well. One favorite "trip" was waking early in her crib and rocking it all away across the hardwood bedroom floor to make sure I was up in time for school. I needed the human alarm clock, as many nights were spent warming her bottles on the stove and spraying hot formula on my wrist before trying it on her.

I think she is to blame for my love of baby food cereal. I would finish her uneaten bowls and soon developed a liking for Gerber cereal (please don't tell anyone). Back to travelling, we didn't know that it meant a long Las Vegas Sojourn someday.

As Donna grew up (please realize I left California for nine years when she was around six) it became clear that she would always be a person that openly invited you into her life, to include its ups and downs. Conversations always ran deep, beyond the weather, etc. and often into life's deeper issues and spiritual matters.

She has always been a deeply spiritual person, yet with an open mind, seeking the truth. She just has to be careful, as there are way too many people out there hammering us with Spirit-quenching nails of their version of the truth.

Donna seems to have boundless energy and a youthful spirit. Maybe that's why many young people are drawn to her caring, uncondemning side. This energy clearly shows itself in the atomic bonding she has with her children and her desire for their happiness, safety and fulfillment in this difficult and challenging time we live in. She will always be as helpful and supporting as they will allow. As a result, we often see just how loving and supportive her children are of her and her life choices. Some call it karma, I call it kindness.

So let's describe her as would David Letterman, well maybe a little different:

10. Entrepreneurial and hard-working

9. Loves being a Mom

8. Big-hearted

7. Inquisitive

6. Dreams big

5. Wants to better those around her

4. Inclusive and accepting

3. Good with people, natural leader

2. Seeks peace and contentment

1. May need this word of encouragement - "Who is there to harm you if you are zealous pursuers of that which is good."

1 Peter 3:13 KJV or "eager to do good" in the NIV.

Now as her birthday approaches, Donna has turned another important corner in her life that will require more than just the reciprocal support of her children. I hope we all will open our lives and hearts to her as she has to us and provide the underpinning for some potentially complicated and difficult adjustments ahead.

But if she approaches this time-frame with the same openness, energy and desire for adventure that has characterized all 37 years of her life so far, then what's to worry? It is 37 right?

Lots of Love,

Skyhidave

The Last Waltz

In the late 70’s, the musical group unimaginatively called "The Band" gave a farewell concert (they chose the name The Band after realizing that people would always say; - hey the band is here, - is the band ready? - does the band know?). They became famous not only for such hits as Up on Cripple Creek and Take a Load off Annie, but also for being the primary backup “band” for Bob Dylan for many years.

Martin Scorsese decided to film the farewell concert and the resulting movie, The Last Waltz, has been dubbed in many quarters as the best film ever in the concert genre. Scorsese became such great friends with The Band’s leader, Robbie Roberston, during filming that they became NY roommates for several years after the movie. The Band was given an honorary lifetime Grammy achievement award this year along with such also-rans as The Beatles. Having recently watched The Last Waltz on PBS, what stuck with me was the title.

There comes a time in life when you realize that you are dancing your "last waltz" with respect to some things. This can be a good thing if your feet really hurt from a lifetime of waltzing or a bad thing if you have always loved to dance. More practically, you reach a point when you realize that many aspects of your life are the best they are going to be - or - the “last” they are going to be. Best things include; financial opportunities, health, etc. Last things can be, your last address, meaning your last move, which brings your last phone number, last primary care physician, last car purchase and on and on. There are many important “last” things that one simply must come to fully understand before the lights go out for the “last” time, such as:

The Last Train to Clarksville,
The Last Tango in Paris,
The Last Hard Men,
The Last King of Scotland,
The Last of the Red Hot Lovers,

The Last Dance,

The Last of the Mohicans, &,
The Last Time I Saw Paris. (France or Hilton?)

It is easy to be melancholy about last things. But as the famous philosopher Mick Jagger said in a recent Parade Magazine interview, “there is nothing worse than a 40 year old ex-pro football player sitting on a bar stool telling the story one more time of his famous break-away run when he was 22”. But when Mick was 22, he said it would really be pathetic if he was still singing Satisfaction when he was 40. Well, how about 65, Mick? His life philosophy is to keep moving forward no matter what. To show how he has grown as an individual, he can no longer party all night then give a concert the next day. He has to choose between the two. That’s real personal growth, if you ask me.

When does this “last” perspective come about? I think it begins when we start to experience the passing of family and friends. It changes one’s outlook considerably. But the bright side is that no one ever says anything bad about someone in their obituary. Up until this change of view begins to happen to you, the best advice is to never compare yourself or your life with anyone’s. C.S. Lewis wrote that (para) "discontentment only comes when we compare".

Last things do not necessarily mean a decline. It can mean reaching a realistic plateau, then living to not lose ground. Besides, reducing the number and frequency of change in one’s life is not necessarily a bad thing. I think the best way to prevent losing ground and to follow Mick’s advice to keep moving forward is to always seek to learn new things. Learning is invigorating and renewing. And contrary to conventional wisdom, learning is ageless, barring disease.

Finding a new, but probably last, church home is the next to the last step for us. The decision incorporates all the lessons learned about Christian life and relationships. Therefore, it is the most important last. It’s also a last thing that isn’t really last. The decision has eternal significance. The Apostle Paul wrote in Thessalonians to "forget about what lies behind and to press on to the high calling in Christ Jesus". Jesus is the Beginning and the End. A life in Him really has no truly last things. For with eternal life there is no last, only next.

So until the next time, stay away from back-to-back all night parties and then giving concerts the next day. For – “This could be the last time, this could be the last time, maybe the last time I don’t know…”

Footnote - No surprise that Scorsese and The Rolling Stones have teamed up for a new IMAX concert movie to be called "The Light".

Christmas Cards

One of my favorite parts of the Christmas season is Christmas cards. I love getting them and I love sending them. I enjoy and appreciate the creativity that people demonstrate in the type of card they choose, the artwork, and the message. But what I especially enjoy is when someone has taken the time to write a personal note, newsy or otherwise. I even like the infamous Christmas letters as long as there is an inserted personal note at some point.

Just for grins, I looked up Christmas card etiquette at that "Hallmark" (no pun intended) of internet intellectualism known as Wikipedia. Surprisingly, there are not very many rules of thumb. The consensus is that Christmas cards should be hand-addressed and personally signed with some kind of personal note - short, long or otherwise. A well-accepted standard is including some kind of picture - either of the entire family, or perhaps the children. This has given rise to the all-inclusive picture Christmas card.

The history of Christmas cards is actually not very long. In an effort to sell more stamps, the first commercial Christmas card (pictured) occurred in Britain in the 1800s, and from the start, Christmas cards have been somewhat controversial. The first card, as you can see, depicts a merry family made even more merry by enjoying a little wine. This caused a little bit of whining by the general public. Other controversies have been caused by not paying heed to peoples' religious persuasions by sending a deeply secular family a strongly evangelistic card. Now Christmas cards have entered the electronic age and e-cards have reduced the number of mailed cards received over the last ten years to an average of 20 cards per family from 24.

The last part of Christmas cards that I enjoy is at the end of the season taking them all down from their prominent display perches and reading back through them. Occasionally we'll get a card from someone that we've omitted and it's always good to follow up on their effort to stay connected.

So for all of you that blessed our temporary Texas abode with a card this year, we offer our heartfelt appreciation and look forward to this time-honored tradition again next year.

An Enigma Wrapped in a Mystery – Happy Birthday, Rich

Starting with Dennis’ birthday this year, I felt compelled to share a few thoughts about each of my siblings as they approach their birthday. Since we celebrate Rich’s birthday on the 13th, these are the things that readily come to mind about this quiet brother of mine. I know that Rich is my brother for three simple reasons: first, he has a bad back and suffers through each day; second, he loves music; and finally, he shares my penchant for hats of various makes and models!

When we were in our teens our family took a camping trip to the Yosemite Valley. I have many memories of camping near the Merced River and setting out each day on some new adventure. Early one morning, Rich and I took off together on a hike up the face of a cliff that overlooked the valley below. This same cliff was used for the “Firefall” of burning logs that has long been stopped. Some ways up the trail we stopped and took a much needed shower in a waterfall that crossed our path. A little later, we stopped to take some pictures of the incredible vista that opened up below. One picture had Rich in the foreground and the valley floor several hundred feet below in the background. The picture had that early morning haze that somewhat obscured Rich’s face. It was one of my most favorite pictures that somehow has been misplaced. I’ve looked everywhere for it and at the same time I’ve looked for a clearer picture of Rich as he remains somewhat of a mystery to me, just as if I’m waiting for that early morning haze to clear up in a long ago picture.

In the present day, you can’t help think of Rich without thinking of his children and his music. His lifelong devotion to his children has been the most dominant characteristic in my mind. I’m sure at times it seems his devotion is almost fanatic in nature, but no one can question that he wants the very best in life for his kids. With respect to his music, the most notable thing is the recent completion of his degree. It’s not so important what ultimately might come of the degree. To me, the most important thing is that he put his hand to a very difficult task, overcame many obstacles, and completed what he had started. To honorably finish what we start in life is an admirable quality.

Another characteristic that I recall, especially from our youth, is how excited and appreciative Rich always was in receiving even the smallest of gifts. I remember coming home from college with a few mementos and gifts. He was always so appreciative of whatever he received. As an adult, he has become a very creative gift-giver himself, putting a lot of thought and originality into whatever he brings to a family gathering. For some reason, I remember the decorated bucket of fresh sweet corn on the cob he brought to a 4th of July party at our house.

There are still many things about him that remain a mystery to me. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because he had the unique distinction of being both the youngest child and then the middle child, with all the birth order angst that these positions sometimes bring. Also because he’s so quiet, it’s very difficult to know what he’s thinking or how he views the world. On a few occasions, our world views have clashed, putting us briefly at odds with each other. I did my best to clear the air before our Texas departure and I hope he feels the same way.

One of our sisters, who shall remain unnamed, asked me one day how our family could become closer. I didn’t have a good answer for her at the time because I felt we were reasonably close, given all the difficulties of life. After giving it greater thought, I think one of the ways to get closer is to either express hurts and perceived injustices or to truly forgive them and move on. But the second part of drawing closer requires mutual communication, which takes both time and effort to move a relationship closer. I desire to be closer to Rich, but I’m not sure what path described above I should take. But I would encourage Rich to choose a path as well. A birthday is a good milestone for taking new directions. My birthday wish for Rich is for less suffering in silence and for more communication. I sincerely wish him health and happiness and the fulfillment of the desires of his heart.

My last memory is of a special time in our life together was when we wound up for a short season playing together on a church softball team. I forgot to mention Rich’s love and ability for this pastime. I think our backs have brought an end to our stellar athletic endeavors, but for a time I enjoyed having this in common with him. As time goes forward, I hope that we can find another common pursuit that’s not so hard on our backs.

Until then, I love you and Happy Birthday!

When Dave Was Sky High

I suppose at some point it makes sense for Sky "High" Dave to talk about the sky and my love of having my head in the clouds. Like most young boys, I loved to build plastic models. My favorites were battleships, because they had so many guns and the gun turrets would actually move, and propeller driven military aircraft, especially those with retractable landing gear. Most of my paper route earnings would go toward the newest and most intricate model. I'm not sure why I chose the Army over the Air Force or Navy, other than that it was a great opportunity at the time.

As an adult, I often daydreamed about learning to fly. I was attracted to the adventure of it all, but a little apprehensive about learning such things as stalls and emergency procedures. The average human being is not at all attracted to a pastime that couples two of man's greatest fears - falling and being burnt up, only with flying they could happen at the same time. But the expense of it all as well as life's demands on a young husband and father commanded my full attention. However, the daydreams continued. But daydreams can be better than experiences, sometimes because you can create a fantasy that neatly omits all the difficulty.

But when I turned 40, some things happened that opened the door. I found myself in a consulting role that provided both excess income and excess time. Flying can suck up both. So as I rounded the corner of my fourth decade of existence, I decided to either do it or stop living in a fantasy of "someday". What sealed it was an introductory flight that demonstrated that certain things were not necessarily going to be as difficult as I thought. And I found an instructor more my age. Most were half my age and that was a little rough.

I was able to get my private, single engine, airman's certificate after an average amount of instruction and solo flight. Because of my military background, communications and navigation came pretty easily. My instructor was great about teaching me to control the aircraft, but you have to teach yourself how to land, pretty much. They say the instructor is along on the landings to keep things safe and to keep you from hurting the aircraft. But you have to get a feel for it yourself. This was my greatest challenge and took the longest to learn. There is a big difference between a really precise landing and a safe landing. I learned to make safe landings, but it takes a lifetime to make perfect landings.

I also learned that there are born pilots and mechanical pilots. Born pilots have an innate ability to fly well. They possess tremendous hand-to-eye coordination, unique spacial awareness, uncanny depth perception, and, each step comes naturally. Mechanical pilots learn the ropes and can fly safely, but they have to work at it more and are never as comfortable in the air. I was a mechanical pilot. It may also have something to do with when in life you learn to fly. The earlier the better. As you get older, your sense of mortality is more acute.

I loved to fly. I loved everything about it. I could read about it endlessly. I loved every phase from flight planning to continued training. It is the only avocation I'd found so far that fully occupied my body and mind and was truly recreational. Not to say that I didn't have some serious down moments, the worst being running off the runway with 4/5 of my family on board (0 injuries, other than ego) and becoming disoriented in the clouds which required a serious recovery.

But the highs were really high. Most notably were; my first solo cross country flight, a final requirement before your federal check ride, as well as flying to such places as Seattle (the prettiest) and Las Cruses (the farthest). The highs continued with the eventual ownership of a small plane and ultimately obtaining an instrument rating. This rating made me a much more precise flyer and gave me permission to fly "in the system" along with all commercial aircraft. I have always loved learning new things. Now I had discovered a whole new world within a world and it was exhilarating.

But the cliche of "all good things must come to an end" has to have a ring of truth or it wouldn't be a cliche. A bad back, coupled with medication that disqualifies one from flying put an end to things much sooner than I had hoped. I will confess that there are some things I don't miss. The expense of it all was ridiculous. Everything from aviation fuel to repair parts cost many times over what a sane human should pay for them. And there was always something to tend to on the plane, leaks, radios, tires, inspections, etc. Oddly, I even had a difficult time finding passengers. Again, I think it's that falling/burning thing.

Rather than dwell on a lost opportunity, I add in both reality of what I didn't like about flying, along with gratitude that I was able to do something that many people never have the opportunity to do. And Karen was incredibly supportive of it all. Now the challenge is to find an appropriate avocational substitute. Whatever it is, it has to involve lots of knobs and dials.

SkyHiDave