Brothers & Birthdays (Sisters too!)

July brings the convergence of two cosmological constants, my and my brother Dennis' birthdays. Birthdays are strange things. People everywhere celebrate birthdays in many different ways and in no ways at all. Looking into the abyss of cyberspace knowledge that is Wikipedia, it seems the histology of birthday celebrations is unclear. The who, where, what and why of birthdays varies greatly from one lore giver to another. But needless to say, that we all generally recognize & celebrate someone's birthday, especially among children, parents, spouses and siblings.

(The Picture - Rich, Dennis, Donna, Me, Doug)

We would never think of ignoring a young child's birthday. There is the traditional one year old high-chair chocolate cake all the way to the dreaded teenage peer parties. Why do we celebrate a child's birthday? We want them to believe they are special, loved and cared for, and that we're glad they are around. So what happens as we age and our approach to each other's birthdays change?

Some years we don't bother to celebrate someone's aging at all!. I agree, that at a point, the whole gift thing gets a little weird, but what has really changed? Don't we still love the person? Yes we might change the word "special" to "unique"!? But aren't we still glad that the person shares oxygen with us and exists in our lives and resides on this planet? Then why can we sometimes be so dismissive of someone's birthday? For me it comes down to saying to the person, I'm glad that we share this lifetime and this planet together, especially to my siblings.

As siblings, we will know each other longer in this life than anyone else that lived. So for "aforementioned" reasons, I send the warmest of Birthday greetings to my younger brother by just one small year, Dennis.

One year as an adult doesn't seem like much, but it is a big spread when you are children. I don't know what it is as a child, but a year can be an eternity. It seems that growing up we are more focused on our friends than our siblings. In life, friends come and go but our siblings remain.

Growing up, I didn't feel that I had a lot in common with Dennis. We had very different interests and friends. But much later in life, my grown children had spent some time with Dennis rehearsing a surprise musical number for my, yes, birthday. After the event, they all remarked how much Dennis reminded them of me. The closer I looked the more I could see it. It was there all the time hiding in plain sight.

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(The picture is of Dennis & the love of his life, Lorraine, that is)

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Some of the similarities are edifying. We love music of all kinds and all expressions. We love our wives and children and work/worked hard for the quality of their lives. Dennis has a great sense of humor, a big heart, a generous lifestyle and...a bad back. Dennis thinks and feels deeply about things but may not express his thoughts regularly or fully, especially about things like his faith. We both had/have the guilty pleasure of laughing out loud at 'Whose Line is it Anyway?" until it just became too crude.

Dennis is and has always been extremely hard working, maybe to a fault. I have never known him to be lazy. He loves family and friends around him as well as the solitude and beauty of the outdoors. He is a keen businessman and very intelligent. On the surface, I may have the paper, but underneath he is extremely bright. If he would admit it, we both like to shop and simply can't pass up an interesting hat or the perfect pair of shoes, no matter how many other ones just like them we might already have. Is that like saying we have a strong feminine side?

Many years ago, we were leaving Dennis' house and he came out teary eyed and said that he wanted to be in my life somehow, even if it was just a small way. It really shook me up because I didn't realize I was behaving like he was not! But if he perceived those feelings then the onus was on me to dispel them. So I have tried to be more open with my life and feelings towards him and to be in his life when and where ever possible.

Once when we were very young, like most kids do at some point, Dennis flew out of the house and tried to run away from home. I ran after him and had to forcibly pick him up and carry him back. Although I have long lost the ability to lift most anything, I would still carry him today if he needed it. I would certainly never want to miss the chance to say that I am glad you are on this planet. Happy Birthday Dennis.